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The Best Sex Toy for Everyone, No Matter Your Preferred Style of Pleasure

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The pandemic has changed a lot about our lives, including how we spend our time in the bedroom. According to sex toy maker Lelo, the company experienced an 80% growth in overall sales in 2020 over 2019, and in March to May of 2020, at the very start of the pandemic, an uptick of 185% in sales.

But the number of American adults who use sex toys is still relatively low. A Civic Science survey of 6,000 people found that 29% of respondents use sex toys, which correlates with a survey done by Satisfyer in partnership with the Harris Poll, which found that only 3 in 10 Americans own sex toys.

This points to a lot of consumers who are leaving pleasure for themselves and their partners on the table, especially in an era of virtual dates and increased stress impacting sex drives. Sex toys allow you to take the pressure off a little and try something new that might bring you both stress relief and pleasure.

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“First and foremost, sexual wellness products help you to own your pleasure and give you more confidence in being able to express your needs and preferences to a partner,” says Megwyn White, Director of Education at Satisfyer and Certified Clinical Sexologist.

But that’s not all. White tells me that sex toys allow couples to experiment, and have relaxed conversations about exploring new pleasurable experiences. “Having a prop or tool can serve as a bridge to deeper conversations around pleasure that you might feel less easy to bring up otherwise and give you the opportunity to explore new dimensions of your own personality,” she told me.

But before you hop online and buy the first toy that catches your eye, there are things you should keep in mind. Not every sex toy is right for every anatomy, and some are best for different types of pleasurable experiences. So, I asked the experts to tell me about the best, highest quality sex toys. And, when you buy your first toy, remember that buying a great lubricant is critical for safe and pleasurable play. Wicked Sensual makes some great ones, including this top-rated salted caramel flavored one that you just gotta try. And if you want to dial up the fun, Green Goo got your back with their stimulating butter.

Jimmy Jane Apex

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Graphic: Chaya Milchtein
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Good quality sex toys are an investment. While every toy has its unique way of providing pleasure, having to buy multiple toys for different sensations can be frustrating.

Jimmy Jane’s Apex offers an upscale alternative and comes highly recommended by Dr. Carol Queen, PhD, sexologist and author of The Sex & Pleasure Book: Good Vibrations Guide to Great Sex for Everyone. The Apex offers both a dildo-style toy and an oral stimulation simulating head. The unique design features four different motors, three suction patterns, seven oral sex-like pleasure patterns, and ten vibration patterns. With suction, vibration, and even an insertable end, the Apex is an all-purpose toy that does everything well.

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“Use the handle as a dildo,” Dr. Queen explains. “Warm up clitorally first, and then switch to penetration or vice versa.”

This toy is intended for people with vulvas, as the suction allows only for a small targeted area, but you can share it with a partner for nipple, anal, or other creative sensations. If you do not like clitoral stimulation, this isn’t the best fit for you.

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The suction component, in addition to the stimulation options, makes this an “intense and arousing toy.”

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Double Whammy Dildo

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Graphic: Chaya Milchtein
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While the Apex is quite a versatile toy, for a wide amount of different types of pleasurable sensations, the Double Whammy Dildo might seem quite mundane in comparison—but don’t write it off just yet.

“This can be used by male and female partners, straight or gay, solo or together,” Fiona Gilbert ACSM EP-C, a sexual wellness & fertility consultant tells me. “Its flexibility means it is open to a lot of different uses.”

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While some may think that this toy is for “lesbian porno sex,” it actually has a lot of different uses, both for solo and partnered play. It can be inserted vaginally and anally simultaneously for double the fun. For partnered play, while it can be inserted simultaneously vaginally, it can also be used anally, or vaginally and anally, depending on your personal preferences and body configurations.

Liberator Fascinator Throw Blanket

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Graphic: Gabe Carey
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While not exactly a toy, the Liberator blanket perfect “for anyone to keep your bed sheets, couch, kitchen table - wherever you enjoy sex - clean,” says Sarah Melancon, PhD, a sociologist, and certified sexologist.

The premise behind this blanket is quite simple. No one likes a wet bed or ruined furniture, and having to worry about cleaning up once you’re finished is no fun.

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The intent of the Liberator Fascinator throw is to feel incredibly comfortable while providing a superior level of absorption, so you stay dry no matter what you throw at it!

Ideal for “squirters, lube lovers, and those who tend to get SUPER lubricated naturally,” says Melancon. “The Liberator Fascinator Throw is also great for massages with oil. Instead of staining your sheets, throw this throw on the bed and enjoy rubbing one another down.”

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The blanket is amazing, but it certainly isn’t cheap (if you aren’t ready to make an investment, puppy pads will work in a pinch).

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Crave Vesper Necklace Vibrator - $69

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Image: Crave
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One of my personal favorites—which has been spotted on the likes of Janet Jackson and Gweneth Paltrow—is the Crave Vesper vibrator, a symbol of sexual empowerment. Of claiming your power, not fearing being seen as “dirty” or “less than.” It’s a vibrator and a beautiful necklace. To fit different people’s personal styles, the Vesper comes in stainless steel, rose gold, and yellow gold.

The Vesper can not be inserted, and it works best for people that enjoy highly-directed stimulation. There are two modes, so if you prefer pulsation you can access that. Vibrations come at four speeds, and while not as extensive as other vibrators, ideal for such a sophisticated and glamorous toy.

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Giddi Tomo II 

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Image: Giddi
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Intended for the ultimate prostate massage, this butt plug is more than a simple vibrating toy. The Giddi Tomo II is a remote control prostate massager that combines a “come hither” motion with a more traditionally vibrating butt plug.

Not only is prostate massage pleasurable during sex, but it also offers other sexual health benefits, Gilbert tells me. “Prostate massage is great for clearing your prostatic duct. This is beneficial for men with erectile dysfunction, painful ejaculations, chronic prostatitis, and abnormal urine flow.”

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The Tomo II stands out for its external vibration as well, intended to sit against your perineum. With a tapered head and slim features, it’s easy to use by beginners who want to try something new. Don’t forget, it’s important to use a good lube (like this Wicked Sensual Anal Lubricant) and keep an open mind if you are trying prostate massage for the first toy. Sensations may be unusual at first, and “you may or may not orgasm,” Gilbert said.

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Club Vibe 3.Oh Hero

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Graphic: OhMiBod
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If you don’t have a prostate, or don’t enjoy the come hither motion, the Club Vibe 3.Oh Hero is the vibrating plug for you. Intentionally made for all kinds of anatomy, this is both a classic “butt plug” and a G-spot vibrator. It comes with a remote control, and is easily rechargeable. The vibrator is a wearable, for a pleasurable tease, secretly allowing your partner to control the speed, or set it to vibrate to music or the sound of their voice.

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Calexotics Nipple Play Vacuum Twist Suckers

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Graphic: Chaya Milchtein
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Did you know that people can have orgasms just from nipple stimulation? Nipple play doesn’t have to be a small part of a larger event, although it certainly can be. If you are ready to take nipple stimulation to the next level, a set of Calexotics Nipple Play Vacuum Twist Suckers is a great place to start.

“This toy is particularly ideal for those who can orgasm from nipple play alone,” Melancon told me. However, “if you have sensitive nipples, this toy may be a bit too strong.”

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The twist suckers do not offer any vibration, just adjustable vacuum suction to fit your desired pressure level. This versatility is a great alternative to more traditional nipple clamps. If you’re not a fan of nipple stimulation these are probably not a great fit for you. If you’re headed for a solo session, and your hands are busy elsewhere, these will elevate your experience allowing you to experience multiple sensations simultaneously.

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Satisfyer Double Joy

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Graphic: Chaya Milchtein (Getty Images)
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Friends, if you have not tried a wearable sex toy like the Double Joy from Satisfyer, you are missing out! It’s perfect to enjoy alone, or during partnered sex, and it takes Satisfyer’s impressive sex technology and remote control app and integrated it into a well made, yet budget-friendly toy to create a hell of a punch.

“The U-shape design and wide lay on head ensures stimulation for the clitoris, G-spot, and penis, making it great for hetero and same-sex couples,” White tells me. “Because it’s small, it still allows room for penetration, but it can also be used for masturbation in tandem with a dildo.”

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And for the solo masturbators out there? The Double Joy allows you to use your hands to pleasure yourself in other places, while still stimulating your clitoris, just hands-free. While there are many other wearable toys on the market, this one does not have a traditional remote control. The Double Joy uses a special app, called Satisfyer Connect, which allows highly customizable vibration patterns. It even allows you to hand over control to a partner, and video chat them for naughty time!

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Lelo Sila

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Image: Lelo
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For those who enjoy a slower build-up and one on one time with their bodies, the Lelo Sila is an excellent and luxurious investment. Lelo was named ‘Luxury Brand of the Year’ Award at the 2021 XBiz Honors Awards, and for good reason. This toy is both beautiful and pleasurable, offering gentle sonic waves to the entirety of your external clitoris due to its large mouth, focusing on more than just the clit itself, but that entire erogenous area.

“The Sila is well constructed and shaped to stay in place so it can be used hands-free,” says Women’s Health Interactive sex writer Wednesday Lee Friday.” It’s not really for use with couples, but excellent for anything from a solo-quickie to a 90-minute edging session. I love that it can be used in a hot tub, and that the battery life is long on a full charge.”

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Chaya Milchtein is an automotive educator, freelance writer, and empowerment speaker who's made it her mission to engage and empower people in her community and beyond.

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